Lynn Hoyland M.A., LMFT - Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Message from Lynn

Couples or Marriage Counseling

Does your relationship seem to be spinning out of control?
Couples or Marriage Therapy Can Help You Feel Close To Your Partner Again…

Do you wonder how it has gotten to be so bad?

You may wonder where your patience and tolerance with your partner have gone. At times, you may feel like you want to explode due to the accumulation of frustration and anger you feel towards him or her. Perhaps you find yourself yelling more and more, or even ignoring your partner for long periods when you’re angry. You may simply be tired of arguing, and have stopped communicating altogether.

You may even know the way you are handling your relationship problems is not good, but you seem powerless to stop your behavior.

You long for those talks you used to have, and the romance and intimacy you shared.

Where did all of that closeness go?

You may feel hurt and scared. Maybe your partner seems more distant, and you worry that he or she doesn’t love you anymore. It could be that you’re afraid to say anything for fear he or she will get upset, angry--or God forbid--leave the relationship.

If you are like most couples whose relationship has deteriorated, your sexual intimacy has also declined--or perhaps is absent altogether. Has this happened to you? If it has, it’s common to question whether your partner is still attracted to you. You may even feel inadequate or unworthy as a result.

You may also find that you are fighting over core value differences that you did not identify in the beginning of your relationship. Issues around money, in-laws, school for the children, college funds, religion, discipline, and sex can all become sources of conflict. Conflict that feels so enormous you can’t imagine ever resolving it.

Maybe you ask yourself:

How did this happen when we got along so well in the beginning?”

“Is this the best it’s gonna get?”

”What is this conflict doing to our children?”

Instead of talking it out rationally, you find yourselves yelling and screaming at each other or not speaking to one another. You might even call each other names or make threats to leave the relationship.

It’s also possible your partner has cheated on you, and you feel incredibly betrayed. If this has happened, you may begin to doubt yourself and your own worth. Maybe you feel so desperate that you’ve considered that option for yourself. It’s hard to feel optimistic when you feel chronically ignored or criticized, or your needs haven’t been met in a long time.

Relationship Conflict Can Destroy Your Relationship—Or Make it Stronger

Which option will you choose?

Believe it or not, there are solutions to your relationship problems! You can learn how to get your relationship back on track. It doesn’t have to be this way anymore. You can repair the damage that’s been done.

A great relationship isn’t always about how well you get along.

It’s just as important how well you don’t get along.

It’s hard to be nice when you’re angry. Sometimes it’s easy to justify wrong behavior. In couples therapy, you will learn how to use more positive ways of relating to each other, even when you are not getting along. When you are in conflict with your partner, having the skills to disagree respectfully can transcend your relationship to a greater level of trust and intimacy.

Relationships can be extremely challenging. They require healthy doses of patience, tolerance, flexibility, honor and respect to stay on track. Unfortunately, not all couples have the skills to know how to do that. Many couples fall into a rut and don’t even notice the distance until it is enormous. At that point, it seems impossible to fix all the damage.

Get Your Relationship Back on Track with Relationship or Marriage Counseling

Discover the secrets of a great relationshipIn couples counseling, you will discover the secrets of a great relationship! Not only will you learn what not to do, but you will learn how to make rewarding and positive contributions to the relationship. You will uncover your own strengths in the process, and you will learn how to be a great partner.

Couples or Marriage therapy will help you identify behaviors that contaminate your relationship such as:

  • mind reading and making assumptions
  • blaming
  • yelling, cussing or making insulting remarks
  • passive aggressive behaviors such as sarcasm or procrastination
  • ignoring or invalidating your partner
  • “score keeping”, “one upmanship”, power struggles, the “need to be right”, and the need to have the “final word”
  • arguing or undermining each other in front of your children
  • unresolved core issues from childhood or past trauma

One of the secrets of a great relationship is to stand strong, and be your own best friend. Through couples or marriage counseling, you will discover the skills to treat yourself and your partner with respect and honor, even when you are angry or upset. You can restore it to high esteem!

Aren’t You Excited About the Possibilities That Await You?

Through couple’s counseling, you can begin to relate to each other with more and more of these skills until you feel like you are in love with one another again.

Marriage or Couples therapy will teach you how to:

  • develop patience and tolerance with one another
  • be more flexible
  • be polite and kind to each other
  • manage your temper more effectively
  • set appropriate limits and boundaries for yourself, i.e. what you need for yourself in the relationship, what you need from your partner, what you will tolerate and what you won’t
  • learn to assert yourself appropriately
  • let go of resentments
  • have more forgiveness for each other and yourselves
  • ask yourselves “what can I do to make my partner’s life better today?”
  • treat yourself and your partner with love and kindness

Love is an action, not an idea

Couples counseling can help you make significant and lasting changes in your relationship.

In relationship counseling, you will learn how to:

  • Couples counseling can help you make significant and lasting changes in your relationshipListen to your partner and validate his or her point of view, even if you don’t agree with him or her
  • Be accountable for your own actions, and take personal responsibility when you are wrong
  • Honor, not fight about your differences
  • Negotiate and problem solve effectively
  • Overcome “emotional gridlock” that stems from differences in values, opinions and needs.
  • Create more intimacy by regularly considering your partner’s needs
  • Balance your “life box”, i.e., your life activities such as relationships with family and friends, hobbies, spirituality, and work/school.
  • Take a “time out”, and a “time back in” when you are too upset to talk
  • Restore trust and respect for one another
  • Laugh and have fun together again
  • Bring the romance back into your relationship
  • Appropriately stand up for what you believe in

Through couples or relationship counseling, you will learn how to approach difficult issues with each other in a loving and respectful way. You can restore balance, passion, and intimacy to your relationship.

Through relationship or marriage counseling, I can help you find the solutions you’ve been looking for! You don’t ever have to feel this way again.

Call for an initial consultation and learn how you can start couples counseling today.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Lynn Hoyland, M.A., LMFT

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Lynn Hoyland, M.A., LMFT
Phone: 602-953-5542
Fax: 602-953-5541
Email: lynn@lynnhoyland.com
11811 North Tatum Blvd., Suite 4040
Phoenix, AZ 85028

Lynn Hoyland is a relationship, marriage and couples counselor practicing in Scottsdale and Phoenix, AZ.

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